Mother’s Day 2021
What does Motherhood look like to you?
Mother's Day in Avery's Garden: What does motherhood look like to you? In honor of Bereaved Mother's Day (observed May 2rd) and Mother's Day (observed May 9th) Avery's Garden is hosting a creative grieving contest!
💛We are asking each participant to showcase what motherhood looks like to you. You must choose 1 or more forms of artistic expression to demonstrate how you symbolize your motherhood. This can be things such as photography, crafts, poems and writings, dance video, painting, drawing, etc. Any art form is acceptable.
💛Between now and 9pm (Central Time) May 8th, come up with a brand new expression of your motherhood and submit it to us at: averysgarden16@gmail.com.
*Please include a brief explanation of your art piece, your name, who made you a mother and what area you are from.
All entries will be collected and a winner will then be announced on May 9, 2020. All entries will be published on our website to demonstrate the beauty and diversity of our stories. We will also be sharing the entries on our social media pages. The winner will get to select 3 FREE Avery's Garden Coloring Books!!
Best of luck and I look forward to seeing everyone's amazing heartwork this Mother's Day.
2021 Participants
Vicki .S.- South Dakota
“I had always based my view of Motherhood on idealized magazine pictures and how my Mother raised us. As a child, I dreamed of sitting on the porch with my husband next to me, while two little girls ran around the yard. I always expected the photo over the mantle that changed yearly as your children grew to be caring, productive adults. In my understanding of Motherhood there were never those dark pictures exchanged in an alley that showed Motherhood as anything less than this state of bliss. If there was some stress, it would always be all but fixed with a well placed "when your father gets home." Being a child who had lost her own mother at 18, and was then engaged for the 1st of three times at 19, I had hoped to have a child in my 20's so I would have as much time and camera film as possible to spend with our children, then grandchildren, and so on…
Unfortunately however, this is not what the pictures of my Motherhood journey developed into. My 20's and that fiance came and went with no pitter patter of little feet and left me feeling defective. I saw endless single snapshots of myself before I ever saw pictures of myself dating, engaged (3x), or even (hallelujah) married. Once I did finally meet the man who asked the question, I was sure our wedding photo was going to quickly become a beautiful family photo, but again that was not my journey. We looked at adoption but cost was a factor, and he had factors that precluded his approval and foster care was ruled out due to my job protecting children. So, that previously whitewashed, and idealized, picture of Motherhood we discussed earlier took a left turn to Albuquerque just like Bugs Bunny, when we found out we needed to use a sperm donor to become pregnant. EEP! We don't discuss those things in polite conversation, thank you.
So as you see, my quest for that beautiful picture of Motherhood has been unconventional from the start. We needed a Donor for conception, and while this didn't quite fit with my picture of how becoming a mother worked, it had been my dream since I was child so when our international adoption fell through, we used whatever means necessary to pursue that family photo… Afterwards, for weeks I tracked my high basal body temps as due to my awkward hormones but I wasn't testing positive despite all the signs. However, at 10 weeks, I finally got that positive! My world filled with joy. I finally after all those years felt like the picture of a mother! and in the very next moment, I found myself in a very different picture. Just two days later those basal temps dropped, and my body felt like it was fighting in that Mortal Kombat game, I was in pain, confused, and suddenly losing hope as I was trapped in this nightmare. The picture forever ingrained in my soul will be the one where I cried out to God terrified for her and with the remnants of my Motherhood on my bathroom floor… and in that moment, my family picture lay shattered on that floor with me as my world ended. But, who do you tell? As we don't discuss these things in polite conversation, especially when you didn't do them the "right way" to start with...
From that day on my picture of Motherhood looked different. Everything changed. All the pictures in my life were tinged with darkness and shadows. To look at children was painful, I didn't want to be reminded of Motherhood for a very long time. It hurt too much to picture my Baby, my Lil' Emilie Bear, alone without me. But it was alI could do. I didn't feel like a Mother, I felt like the picture of a failure. I couldn't even tell my Father about his Grandchild, I was that ashamed of myself, and "..we don't discuss these things in polite conversation…"
But the picture of what Motherhood looks like for me changed seven years ago. That's when I met him, The Man Who Loves Me. He unknowingly changed everything when he brought a beautiful blonde flower into my life. A sunflower that began to push back the shadows of my Motherhood. This man also loved my Lil' Bear as he had one of his own, and our brokenness called out to each other. My dark and broken Mama heart couldn't help but love his AngelBaby. Suddenly I had another Lil' Bear in my heart. I also opened my heart to his Sunflower and soon the picture I had of what a Mama looked like changed. I learned to be her friend and later to be her Bonus Mama. Through my grief and despair I fought back, and now I finally had a child to hold. And so after my heart let him in, and he asked the question, we went on to make a beautiful family photo as a Family of Five, but table for three…, on April 21, 2020, my Lil' Emilie Bear's AngelDay. From there Motherhood took on a hybrid role, I honor our Lil' Bears with my life, and I love our Sunflower with all I have. Motherhood had also finally taken on a clean and positive note for me again, but it was far different from what I once thought it was.
I see the picture of Motherhood as more than the idealized 2.5 children, white picket fence, with a dog and everyone lives happily ever after… The true picture of Motherhood is work, it is care, it is pain, it is putting yourself back together to be the best you can be for your family. It is taking a child that is not your own, and setting aside your own feelings in order to co-parent between two homes and coordinate her schedule between three homes as she goes to her Grandparents on opposite weekends. It is learning to put that child before yourself always. It is adapting from the needs of an 8 year old when you met her to one that will be 16 in a matter of weeks. The beautiful picture of Motherhood is "I will always love you. Always, Always. Whether you be in my arms or my Saviors." While Motherhood is not always having your child to hold in your arms, it is the state of your heart being open to the love of a child wherever or whoever that child may be.
And it was a beautiful picture until… the other shoe dropped. On September 7,2020, our family picture changed yet again, losing my second baby was a game changer. It almost broke me. Losing Lil' Bear SB was the hardest, most terrifying loss I have gone through. It changed my picture of who I was and protective of the memory of every child in our family group that has left us too soon. It is important to me to ensure that our children, (and other babies) are remembered. I have found that it is also important to cheer on and celebrate the achievements of the children in our extended family, especially those of my Bonus Daughter whom I love as if she were my own.
When I was small, I had a very idealized picture of Motherhood, so when I met reality it hurt me longer and harder than if I had known of why people adopt, besides just loving children from other families or countries. If I had known, no not all women get pregnant, not all babies survive pregnancy or infancy… through the pain and loss I experienced I have been able to grow and expand my picture of Motherhood to be a better Mama to more than just my biological children, but I now open my heart to any child in our family group (or just one that needs a mentor). My Mama heart has been exponentially expanded through this journey. I will continue to see where God and the Lil' Bears lead me in helping and encouraging others as they help Loss families navigate this oft times confusing and overwhelming world of being a Loss Parent. “
Laura .M.- Massachusetts
“This was a painting I did when I was newly pregnant, and unaware, with my Angel. This painting was the last one I have done since. I’m not an expert by any stretch of the word , but I’ve always loved and admired art and anyone who can do it. After she died I realized the painting was a part of her story, my story. The bear is me, mama bear, and the trees are my babies. All of them. Even in the distance. I didn’t know this when I painted it, I was just fooling around. However, I can see now that maybe my girl was speaking to me through this. So, in short, this serendipitous painting of sorts is what I would call a proper representation of my unique motherhood.
Peter, Ginnymarie and Atlas are who made me a mother. Ginnymarie Everly was born sleeping on October 30, 2019. She was 1 day shy of 39 weeks when we had to say goodbye.”
Rebecca .M.- Texas
“I have twin 6yr old boys and a beautiful baby girl in heaven. In 2017, I lost everything. In March I lost my daughter through miscarriage at 12weeks, then five months later my boys and I had to leave our home at 2am after my husband became abusive towards me. We lost our family and our home that night. I say this because these events taught me a whole new meaning of what it meant to be a mom. I never knew what it meant to fight for your kids until the day, I had to be their voice in court. Being a mom has made me stronger and has saved me in many circumstances. Everything I do, is for my kids. Anyways, here is a poem that I wrote that I think says what being a mom means to me and some drawings I have done.
What being a mom means to me
I’ve always been the quiet girl,
I would turn on music
and shut out the world
Hoping no one would talk to me
so I could soon leave.
Until one day,
I had no choice
I could not run away.
I had to find my voice.
The judge asked,
“Why do you want supervised visitations for him”
Then, I stood before the judge and slowly unmasked.
Thinking I couldn’t win,
I was terrified
but yet I pushed my fears aside
and I told him our story.
I listed all the physical, and sexual abuse
and all my fears and worries.
It no longer mattered,
if I felt scared and shattered.
I had to keep my kids protected
to make sure they wouldn’t as well
be abused and neglected.
I had to fight like hell.
Even though that was one
of the scariest things
I have ever done.
I fought for my kids,
and I had finally won.
I think that’s what it may mean
to be a mom.
When life is crazy scary,
you intervene.
No matter how you may feel,
you do what’s best for them.
Even when things feel completely unreal.
You have to be strong
and remind them that you have
been on their side all along.
You love them unconditionally
and guide them through life,
with the best of your ability.
To be a mom,
means to love them.
Remind them that they are enough.
Teach them wrong from right
and fight the monsters
that come out at night.
A mom loves,
protects,
and never gives up.
She guides
and nurtures
and pushes her own struggles aside.
She is courageous,
has patience
and is gracious through life.
Even when hopeless thoughts
overcome her mind.
She continues to fight,
for her kids,
every single day and night.
Whether your kids are with you,
or in heaven above.
A mom continues to break through,
and doesn’t give up.
Knowing no matter where her kids maybe,
they are never far apart
because moms carry all
their kids within their hearts.
Danielle .R.- Ohio
Motherhood
“Through the grief and nakedness of losing the biggest part of me, planted a seed.
Out of that pain and emptiness came all the growth and beauty.
Motherhood freed me.
Explanation
This artwork was made to show my journey through motherhood. Losing my son stripped me of everything. I felt empty and naked to the world. What I couldn’t tell was the love my son gave me was a seed. It’s taken years and a lot of work, but through his love, I have grown in mothering him, my daughter, and myself. "
~Mother to Jensen Grey and Mila~
Amanda .C.- France
”It's difficult to talk about Motherhood this year. It's not at all what I envisioned Motherhood would be.
This is supposed to be a happy day. A day to celebrate these beautiful women that bring us into the world. To celebrate giving life and having a family. A family is supposed to be tangible, people you can touch, hug, kiss, physically feel... And yet.
My Motherhood, along with millions of women all over the world doesn't look like that. It looks like pictures on a wall, an empty nursery, going to the cemetery on holidays. It looks memorial tattoos, memorial gardens, memorial paintings, drawings and coloring books. Material things that say, "They are here. They exist. We are their Mothers and we are proud of our beautiful children, even if you can't see them."
Even if we can't touch, hug, kiss or physically feel them, they are a part of us. They always will be. Our children never leave our hearts. Ask any bereaved parent how old their children were supposed to be, and they will tell you without blinking. They are on our minds every single day.
All of this to say, my Motherhood might not be visible right away, and it's far from the Motherhood I dreamed of since I was young, but it's there.
Sending love to all of our sweet babies and the Mothers who hold their children in their hearts instead of their arms.”
~Mother to Ellie, Oliver and Bun~
Ana .V.- North Carolina
“I created these macrame angel wings in memory of my son, Owen Nathaniel Vick (our second baby born still on 10/3/15 during a crash c-section delivery at 32 weeks after I noticed his lack of movement and went in to the hospital to check on him). I had just attempted my first macrame project, so when I saw Avery’s Garden grieving contest I thought it was the perfect medium for expressing my love for my boy as it is so relaxing and meditative to tie knot after knot to form the final design. Of course, I decided to create angel wings to represent my baby, who is waiting for us in heaven. I also added in the feathers that hang down, which I had used for the baby mobile that I loving crafted for Owen to hang over his crib before we lost him. I kept the mobile all these years with nowhere to hang it so I took it apart and used the bamboo to hang the macrame on as well as the leather rope and the feathers with triangle cutouts. This further ties in my feelings of eternal love for him, which are as strong before loss as they are now. I’ve placed it above my bedside as a sort of dream catcher and it has brought me some peace to complete this project and finally repurpose his mobile into another beautiful creation for my son. Additionally, the wings reminds me that as bereaved mothers, we are like a Phoenix rising from the ashes and what happened to us does not make me us victims, but survivors and warriors (coincidentally my son’s name means Little Warrior). It brings to mind the quote by Rupi Kaur “ i am not a victim of my life. what i went through pulled a warrior out of me. and it is my greatest honour to be her “. So for all the mothers out there grieving the loss of their babies, I am mourning with you, while also encouraging you to rise with me in honor of our babies and find what heals you and gives a purpose to your pain, because there’s nothing mightier than a bereaved mother. In memory of my son Owen and all our babies gone too soon, I am rising up to fight against preventable stillbirths with our new non-profit PUSH for Empowered Pregnancy (and I invite you to join us). I hope this Mother’s Day is gentle and brings you a feeling of connection to your babies who I believe can never leave us because we carry them in our hearts.”
Highlights from our 2020 Mother’s Day
Morgan A.- North Carolina
“I am a mama to one beautiful little girl. Hollyn Rae Allen made me a mama on October 2,2019. My Motherhood is not defined by my child not being here physically. Motherhood is far more than what is or is not here physically. Every Motherhood whether it is to a child in Heaven or Earth, teaches you things you’d never know, shows you the REAL true meaning of love, and shows you the hardships. My Hollyn is not here physically with me but she is here through everything else. All her signs to show us she is guiding us & protecting us every single day. My daughter has taught me the beauty in nature, the little things in life, and how to be a better person.”
Jennifer J.- Texas
“Being a mother to me now means painting rocks in honor of my son. Spreading word around of him and our story with the hashtag RocketmanRoams. Vincent Liam Jackson is who made me the mother I am today. Below are pictures of the first rocks I made, my special rocket rocks and the amazing gift my mother gave me when she found out about the journey I was about to start with wanting to paint rocks for Vincent.”
Amanda C.- France: **Selected Winner**
"Motherhood has taken many forms for me and over the years, it has transformed me. It’s made my life something I never imagined it could be. Ellie and Oliver helped me to see so many beautiful, wonderful things, despite the tragedy of their loss. They taught me what a Mother’s love is.
Motherhood for me started over 5 years ago. The baby we wished for with all of our hearts seemed so impossible, and I knew from the start it was going to be a hard journey. Yet, we were both willing to work for our impossible dream.
Motherhood for me was four years of multiple failed rounds of IVF and heartbreak. Yet, never giving up, it was continuing to hold onto the hope that one day we would have a family of our own. It was dreaming that we would one day have a home full of love, life and laughter.
Motherhood when I first got pregnant was pure joy. At that point, being a Mom was making sure that I ate right, took walks to stay healthy, and lots of stress worrying about every little thing. It was also relief, all of those years of trying and failing had finally paid off. We would finally have our beautiful family.
Motherhood throughout my pregnancy was celebrating every small victory. Each month that passed, I thought that my heart couldn't feel fuller. The more they grew, the more I loved them. Sometimes, I felt as if my heart would burst. We found out we were having a boy and a girl at the last ultrasound before we lost them. We named them Ellie Lynne and Oliver James.
Motherhood the day we lost them was holding their tiny bodies in my arms, singing them a lullaby, and telling them I would always love them.
Motherhood in the days that followed was still getting out of bed despite wanting nothing more than to disappear forever, to trade places with them, pleading with the universe to bring them back. It was the feeling of my heart breaking over and over again knowing that I was leaving that hospital with an empty womb and empty arms.
Motherhood in the months that followed was making sure I kept going despite the never-ending heartbreak. It was seeking help for things I couldn’t control anymore. It was, and still is to this day, being their advocate, and in that finding other loss Moms and talking to them lovingly about our babies.
For me, Motherhood was learning how to crochet and using it to help other families who are struggling through a loss, in honor of Ellie and Oliver.
Motherhood now is talking to the moon and stars at night, lighting their candles, and planting flowers in their memory.
Motherhood is choosing to live.
Motherhood is weathering the storm of grief to the best of our abilities, allowing the waves of pain to ebb and flow. Motherhood is carrying that unconditional love for our babies in our hearts, no matter where they are, no matter how much times passes, and no matter the distance between us."
About the project :
Since losing Ellie and Oliver I knew I wanted to do something for other families that are going through the same pain. I learned to crochet to keep my hands and mind busy. I quickly took to amigurumi. I started making teddy bears for the hospital where I gave birth to our twins. They are now used in the pictures with the babies, and families can choose to bring them home or leave them with their baby.
I decided a few weeks ago to. Make Ellie and Oliver each a bear. This is what Motherhood looks like when we weren't given the opportunity to make memories with our babies.”
Codi N.- Missouri
“Immanuel Anthony Nuernberger made me a mother in July 29, 2018. This is also the same day he went to go be with God. I gave birth to our rainbow 12/2/2019. This is Adaiah’s first time going to see the Angel of Hope and seeing his brothers bricks.”
Sharon S.- Texas
“This is Bereaved Aunt, Hilda holding stillborn baby Emma. Submitted by Grandmother, Sharon. If you look closely you can see tears streaming down on the left side.”
Motherhood can also be spent grieving the losses of our children…and our children’s children. It truly takes a village.
Kara B.
“Creating something special and unique for myself and those I love to honor all of our babies on earth as well as in heaven.”
Amanda W.- Michigan
“I am a mother to a perfect little girl named Gretchen Meredith. She was everything we could have hoped for in a daughter. She was strong and beautiful and taught me that I am strong and beautiful. Motherhood to me is living every day being the kind of person I wanted her to grow up to be. It’s being the strong brave woman I know she would have become. It’s living my life knowing she’s watching and being the best I can be for her. Its not backing down or letting someone make me feel like I’m not a mom. It’s knowing in my heart that even though you can’t see her I am still a mom. I carried her for 40 weeks and 3 days, I labored with her for over 10 hours before an emergency c-section. We had 2 days with her before she passed. She was here and she was real and she forever changed me. Motherhood to me is being proud. I am proud to be her mom.
My art piece is a painting of me holding her weighted bear I made. A piece of me may be missing but I am not broken. And I will show the world my missing piece and wear it where all can see. After 6 early miscarriages we finally had our rainbow and she was everything we ever wanted. I am not ashamed and I will not hide her. I will shout for all to hear MY DAUGHTER WAS HERE!!!!
I have also included a photo of the first and last time I held her.
Gretchen Meredith Rosenbalm February 17th 2019 11:27 pm 7 pounds 4 ounces 21 inches lived 2 days 2 hours and 55 minutes and passed to our ancestors on February 20th 2019 at 2:22 am.”
Heather M.- Illinois
”Motherhood is the greatest joy in life. My oldest Colton made me a mommy and my angel Micah is our guardian. We currently reside in Lake County, Illinois. I promised my Micah that I will keep joy in our home and that I would make him proud. My heart beats for my boys and I know I will see my Micah again. While I am on this earth, my Colton is the the glue that holds my broken pieces together. My joy in life is watching Colton smile and honoring Micah. There are many ways I have found I can honor Micah. Writing, painting, gardening, etc.
Description of images:
My mom, me, and Micah. -My mom also said goodbye to my sister at 40 weeks. The love she has shown through reliving her nightmare is only that love that can come from a mommy. Micah and me. My sweet angel in my arms. Today my big boy and I planted seed paper in memory of Micah. Table of candles we light to honor our Micah. The large shadow box- to the sides of the shadow box I have my Micah bears, the mold of our hands, and my name tag for the grief group meetings. (Micah's mom, Heather Musich). On top and inside - various items from the hospital that touched Micah. One outfit he wore, blankets, hat, clippings of his hair, a comb, his hand and foot prints, and hospital bracelets we wore. The next 2 pictures are crafts I made after preserving the flowers from his funeral. Also a few of the rocks I have painted for him recently. The last picture is a painting with Micah and Coltons handprints. THEY are my sunshine.
